Before moving from my hometown, Columbia, Missouri, I worked as a psychiatric nurse in a small private hospital. I was young and inexperienced, but fascinated by the power of the mind, body, spirit connection to health.
I called Dr. Anderson one evening because I was concerned about his new patient--a young woman with three small children. Her family had visited her. When they left she fell on her bed and dissolved into tears--crying longer and harder than anyone I had ever encountered.
I asked him is there was something I could give her to ease her sadness.
He explained she was overwhelmed by feelings of loss--her family was experiencing unwanted/unplanned changes.
She was grieving.
"We don't want to take away her tears. She needs them in order to heal. " he said calmly. We talked about the difference between healthy sadness (grieving) and clinical depression.
"Just be near to let her know she is not alone, but allow her to feel the pain and don't mask it. That gives her a chance to move through the grief and be whole again."
Dr. Anderson's lesson that evening has stayed with me for more than thirty years. Sometimes guiding my nursing practice, sometimes comforting me in the midst of my own grief.
Today is Dr. Anderson's funeral. His death was a shock and tragic loss to his family, friends and community.
I believe he would remind everyone to feel the pain, be near each other and let the tears flow.
Grief is personal, intense and a necessary part of healing.
Don't let anyone take your tears away.
