Early Teachers

I decided to become a nurse when I was ten. I didn't know any nurses and had no personal experiences with illness. I just knew that was what I wanted to do and actively looked for care giving opportunities. I found several obliging animals--fallen baby birds, rabbits caught in traps, turtles hit by cars. The ones who didn't survive were tenderly buried under a nearby bridge, each given a proper ceremony and grave marker.

At fourteen I became a hospital volunteer. Dressed in our pink and white striped pinafores and starched white blouses, after school my friend Pat and I sold newspapers to patients.

"Newspaper today sir?" I called out as I entered the room of an elderly man, without legs.

"Girlie, why would I need a paper? I am no longer a producer, just a consumer. My time has come. Please let me go."

I ran to find a nurse. She explained he was a cranky old man who was demanding to be sent home to die. His wishes were being ignored as antibiotics coarsed through his body, to make him stable enough for admission to a nursing home.

She explained it was unlikely that he would ever see his home again.

His plea haunted me. I asked my mother what he meant by consumer and producer. She
helped me understand the message he clearly wanted someone to hear: he felt his usefulness in this lifetime had ended and he wanted to be free to refuse treatment and die on his terms.

That was forty years ago.

I am concerned that we have not progressed very far when it comes to honoring the wishes of a dying person.

A Living Will and/or Advanced Directive helps family members make informed decisions on your behalf. Unfortunately, health care providers--usually guided by fears of litigation--often over-ride the documents.

What can you do to make sure your wishes are honored? First, know what you want in the event you are not able to make your own decisions. Then...and this is the really, really important part--communicate that to your family, your health care provider, your clergy, your attorney. The documents provide limited directions. Additional information makes it more likely that your wishes will be granted.

Now is time to have the conversations. Whether sick, healthy, old, young....now is the time to begin the exploration.

You can change your mind at any time. As you learn more about options, accepted medical practices, and more, your opinions may change.

It is a process to prepare for death. Not an event. Today I am healthy and have certain beliefs about how I want decisions made for me if needed. If I become ill, injured or disabled, my directions to my family may change.

Initiating the conversations NOW only makes it easier as I age and my level of health and independence may change.

One thing I don't expect to change: feeling that I am making it possible to be treated tenderly, and compassionately, with my family and health care providers honoring my wishes, brings me peace and comfort today.

Now...off to marvel at another stunning sunrise!