Senses Wish List

I received a note from a reader who shared a wonderful story about being with her grandmother during her final months, as she faded away from Alzheimer's. She responded tenderly and appropriately to her grand-daughter's touch. It became a way they communicated, when other means of connecting vanished.

Several years ago an old friend called to say his mother was dying. She was alert, but weak and frail, being cared for by family and hospice staff. I had not known her well, but he asked if I would visit her. I took Gardenia scented hand lotion. To my surprise she asked if I would massage her hands as we talked.

"Is that gardenia?" she asked.

She smiled and told me about her senior prom, sixty years before. Her date gave her a gardenia corsage. It was her first time to receive flowers from a beau. The scent held a special place in her heart. She had not told that story before.

She gave me permission to touch her, which deepened the meaning of the time we spent together.

We relate to the world around us through our senses.

Sight...Hearing....Taste....Smell....Touch....

Why not create a Senses Wish List?

Picture yourself with a magic wand.

Whatever your senses desire is at your command.

What/who do you want to see?

What brings joy to your ears?

What taste lingers on your tongue?

Do you want to be touched? If so, how?

What do you want to smell?

Go deeper.....

Are you in a familiar bed covered with a wool blanket or a favorite quilt?

Do you want a bedside lamp or overhead light?

Is the TV on?

Are others talking? Are you included in the conversation, even if you aren't verbal?

What does your skin feel like?

What is the temperature of the room?

Here are some things I have shared with my family/friends, in the event I am not able to communicate to them:

• I do NOT want a TV on!! (So many times in hospitals the TV is on for distraction or to give something to talk about...that is fine for those who want it, but it would drive me nuts!)
• I hate overhead lights--especially fluorescent ones! Please, please just a small bedside lamp, which is turned off when I need to rest. Sunlight and moonlight please me tremendously!
• Music....please, lots of it! Some old rock and roll, a little Mozart, some Celtic, a bit of bluegrass, anything by Simon and Garfunkel. But the best would be live: anything my daughter Sara plays on viola, friends/family singing hymns, my grand-daughters singing anything they want, campfire songs, some guitar, ukulele or flute....it all sounds wonderful to me today as I imagine it.
• Flannel sheets--even in summer--would be lovely.
• Please moisten my lips with lip gloss. Feed me water, unsweetened drinks...especially Jasmine green tea.
• Hold my hand.
• Talk to me. Believe I can hear you.
• Know that I love you and appreciate all you are doing for me.

The task at hand is for us to understand what we want, then communicate that and give our loved ones permission to respond to our senses.

As a nurse I have been at the bedside of many dying persons--in hospitals, at home, in hospice care, with family members. The angst of family members at that time can be relieved by knowing some of these things before the final days.

It is a gift we are all capable of giving.

Find a quiet spot. Spend a few moments thinking about each of your senses. Write down preferences.

Share your discovery with your loved ones. Listen to their responses. Answer questions.

Celebrate your courage by pleasing at least one of your senses right now! See how that feels...savor the idea that you are sharing that important information with the ones who love you.

I found by doing that I am more likely to create an environment NOW that pleases me. And that makes me a nicer person to be around!