A couple of years ago the husband of a dear friend of mine suddenly became seriously ill. A few days later it was clear he would die soon. He was being treated in the ICU of a small hospital--complete with all of the typical bells and whistles that make up that landscape: vital signs monitors, IV fluids, EKGs, bright lights, loud noises....
That is the exact scenario that can be devastating for the dying person and the loved ones: a frantic time to try to figure out the best decisions for all.
What happened next, the day he died, still amazes me.
He decided he wanted no further treatment. His condition was too serious for him to be transported home. Instead, he stayed in the ICU and the focus of care became hospice/palliative in nature.
When I arrived his favorite quilt warmed him, his dog snuggled beside him, and his family-- three generations, including some former in-laws-and a few friends, surrounded him. Nursing staff remained available, but kept a distance to allow closeness without distractions. Soft lights and quiet voices helped the ICU to become sacred space.
The end of his life was free of frantic measures to save him, replaced by honoring his wish to be allowed a natural death. His death mirrored the way he lived his life: peaceful, surrounded by loved ones.
In the 1960s (when the use of defibrillators became common practice) the term, "Do Not Resuscitate" became a commonly used physician's order to denote a decision not perform CPR as a life-saving measure.
Since the advent of hospice/palliative care, a newer term "Allow Natural Death" (AND) is now used by some health care providers.
I will soon write more about the differences in these two approaches to end-of-life.
It is possible to have your final wishes honored. Knowing what they are makes all of the difference.
Thoughtful preparation and communication helps make sure that happens.
What have you got to lose?
We have everything to gain for ourselves, and in the process we can give a powerful gift of less complicated grief for our loved ones by reducing some of the trauma.
Thank you, Klara:
ReplyDeleteThat is as I remember. I have learned of you and today I would have played some Johnny Cash in the background. However. I would not change anything else.
Thanks for your note. I agree about the music...especially when you know what the person would want to hear. Take care, Klara
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